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Forgive the audience

Forgive the audience for not loving you as much as they should, and love them anyways.
I’ll take you back to a workshop that I took with the wonderful Deanna Fleysher.

Time after time we would stumble on the stage.

Time after time we would, or I would, not get the laughter we/I, had hoped for or the connection that we/I craved.

And her answer, “Forgive them for not loving you as much as they should have and love them anyway. And leave. Give them time to miss you, and come back again.”

Now I’m not prescribing this as a solution for all relational/artistic/audienceperformer difficulties, but there’s something about this.

Rather than shutting down and becoming embittered, the idea of maintaining your lovability, getting honest and trying again, without taking it personally, is something that stuck. And is something that I so often forget. I crawl down into myself and look for someone to point a finger at, usually myself, and, well…that’s not so much […]

The Heart Stretch

There’s this exercise we do in theatre and clown class that is called “Wave Good-bye.” Without going into too much detail it is an imaginary exercise in which you wave goodbye to someone you love very much who is leaving on a boat. You act it out but you imagine the person and the boat etc.. Doing this exercise there is generally sadness, because this person you love is leaving you, and there is love because you really want what’s best for them. This exercise is a practice in experiencing both in equal measure viagra generique forum internet — at the same time.

My teacher always described it as a heart stretch. This is still the best way I know how to describe that feeling that comes when the heart heads in two directions simultaneously. Nothing is wrong or needs fixing, it’s just a stretch. It happens when:

I realize that someone can make mistakes that hurt me and still be […]

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    The Excruciating In-Between (or the absence of the magic button)

The Excruciating In-Between (or the absence of the magic button)

I am going to perform in May and this has me stuck in what I consider “the excruciating in-between,” or what Pema Chodron, who is more gentle than I am, calls, “the shaky tenderness.”

I am between:

excited and terrified
the possible outcome of a complete failure or a mind-blowing success
what I imagine/dream/feel I want to create and what I am actually able to create

And the thing is, this will not go away. I will perform and I will remain in the in-between. There will be no switch. I will not go from good to bad or vice versa.

This is the trip, in and out of the creative process. We imagine something, can’t figure out how to get there, and have to live in the dissonance. Listening to many famous and fantastic artists say it I begin to believe it.

Anne Patchett creates her novels (Bel Canto, etc) entirely in her head and then takes them out and “kills them.”

“I never […]

“We are not alone,” says the Clown

The levitra 10mg uk roche clown sits, hoping, or stands, hopping.

Or curls up and falls asleep under a table, or your right ribs, after years of waiting. After years of being told that “now is no time to play,” or “don’t play with that, it’s not polite,” or “you’re too old.”  She waits. He sighs. They tickle your ribs from the inside hoping that you might notice they’re alive… perhaps a little stiff, a little hesitant, maybe not quite up to snuff, but alive.

The clown delights as you make toast, arrive late again, (think you) know all the answers, are misunderstood in front of a bunch of people, lose your best friend, or wait…and wait…and wait…

The clown waits to play with the part of you that occasionally writes a heartfelt made-for-Hallmark card and the part of you that feels scared in the moment of catching your own reflection, not fitting into your clothes, or knowing the correct answer.

The clown […]


About two months ago this thing happened and I got to experience
I received a group “there’s-so-much-going-on-in-my-world” email, one of those that occasionally makes you (by you, I mean me) feel like all the coolness and greatness and friends in the world are already taken up by someone else. This is through no fault of the email, rather just an occasional tendency of mine.

I felt like I was outside the fish bowl.

I felt alone.

I felt alone all night and it felt bad.

I did one thing the night I read the email…

and I did another thing the day after.

The night I read the email I lay down on the floor, felt THE VERY cialis generique BAD PAIN in my body, and tried to imagine myself surrounded by beauty, awesomeness and people that wanted to play with me. I did this for about 5 minutes. I then met a friend for a glass of wine with the pain in […]

Be-aware of TIMM!

I love this comic print created by Joan Cornellá. His work is often dark and delightful, a realm I love within the clown/play world. It reminds me of the many masks we wear and the illusions that we fall under and can be surprised out of. It reminds me of the adaptability and changeability of “who we are” and the ways we can play with this. It reminds me of the ridiculous.

Looking at this print made me think that of all the roles that I play and masks I wear I must beware, or be-aware, of (da da da daaaaa) TIMM, the
“This is Me” Mask.
My current TIMM is solemn and monotone. It has things to do and people to see, or, worse yet, people to do (resulting in mechanical interactions) and things to see. It wakes up early and cozies up to the computer where it replies to emails. “This is me” it says, “this is how I am.” […]

Clown: a delighted human being

“Clown is a Human Being. One who can take visit this website delight in the experience of being Human and enjoys conversing about the experience.” -David MacMurray Smith

Over 10 years ago I took my first course with David MacMurray Smith called “Creative Charactor Development and Personal Transformation through Clown.” Since then this work has deeply influenced every aspect of my life. I have returned to study with David, drank beers with him, and apprenticed in his classes; however, I read through his entire website today for the first time and found this as an antidote to my “Reasons We Might Possibly be Scared of Clowns” post. Understanding why we might be afraid of clowns let's take a look at what's at the heart, shall we? (more…)

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    Mr. Rogers and performance artist Marina Abramovic – The gently radical act of being.

Mr. Rogers and performance artist Marina Abramovic – The gently radical act of being.

What drew people to Mr. Rogers even though he seemed ridiculously slow to me?
Why were people transformed and moved to tears when they sat in front of performance artist, Marina Abramovic, and simply met her eyes?
These two people are from radically different worlds and yet, watching documentaries on both viagraoverthecounter of them in the past week, I am struck by a similarity. They both seemed to ‘get’ people and give people a space to be ‘gotten.’

First I watched a documentary on a radical (at least to me) performance artist Marina Abramovic, “The Artist is Present.” The documentary is focused on a performance art piece in MOMA where she sat for 3 months and simply met the eyes of the people that came to sit across from her – all day long, every day.
I then watched a documentary called “Mr. Rogers & Me,” about the effect that Mr. Rogers had on both the children and the adults in his life. […]

Emily Levine: A trickster's theory of everything

I just followed the www rabbit trail to a TED talk by Emily Levine on tricksters, humour, politically correct humour, and change. She references Lewis Hyde’s book Trickster Makes this World and considers that the trickster is an agent of change and that he/she does viagraoverthecounter this through boundary crossing and making connections.
“The trickster has a mind that’s prepared for the unprepared and has the ability to hold his ideas lightly so that he can let room in for new ideas or to see the contradictions or the hidden problems with his ideas.” -Emily Levine

Lil' Baby to Full Body Armour to the Hokey Pokey

In my classes we often take a moment to think of a baby we know. “What kinds of things do you see when you watch a baby?” I ask.

They reply (because I always get to play with really great people)…

they’re squishy and soft
they have no qualms with staring
they make all these funny little movements all the time
they have 336 emotions in 1 minute and you can see it all in their face and body
they laugh quick and cry quick and go between the two

“What happens between then and now; between baby and adult?”
It’s not a trick question; I don’t know the answer. Everyone is there own type of magic and if I did know the answer my job would be boring.

One thing I do know is that we all get busy figuring out how to survive, which is very, very useful.

(Life or death really.)

To help these little beings there are people all over the world put their hearts and […]